Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
