our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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