if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize