Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize