I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
