the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
