It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
