Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
