I think my fart just growled at me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
