lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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