I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
we're so committed to being not committed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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