I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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