My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
