This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
