so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
That reminds me...we need to get swords
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
