I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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