His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
