Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
kristin has been a bad kristin
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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