Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
