Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize