I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
