And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
