Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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