I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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