i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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