I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
