he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
