i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize