"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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