watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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