She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
