I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize