Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
