I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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