I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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