Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize