About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
