I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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