Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
