ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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