It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
