He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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