where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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