So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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