I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This house was built for laser tag.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
