I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
