Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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