I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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