Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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