he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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