I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
