i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize