We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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