And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
