Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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