oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
