Do you still have your period?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
