as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
