in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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