Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
