I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Enjoy the penises
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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