I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
