just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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