I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
