I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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