Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
