Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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