I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
