So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
