Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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