can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
