well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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