How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
