My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
