For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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