i may or may not be watching the land before time
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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