i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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