I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
