Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
