I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
