Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
