It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
