I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
