lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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