How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
