Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
