As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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