Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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