I saw his package. It spoke to me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We need a shit load of segways right now
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
