so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
