Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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