maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
