Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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