i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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