how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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