He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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