I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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