I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
