If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
