Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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