a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wish i was in the wii world.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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