My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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