And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
