I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
