i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
