just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
