i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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